SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCE

One of the favorite sports on Applewood’s Rocking Chair Porch in the summertime is “man gossiping” or chewing the fat as they call it. That is different from women gossiping. Men gossiping is more storytelling, and it is hard to tell a true story from a tall tale. Whichever it is ,you can be pretty sure it gets better every time it is told. In fact, a friend of mine wrote a book about the man gossiping at a small town restaurant that he titled True Stories (and other lies) Told at City Café. I always thought that was a perfect way to describe it—and every town has its City Café, or in this case, the Rocking Chair Porch at Applewood. I was there on the day Truman Goodwin was telling what he heard at the M.A. Pace General Store in Saluda. Saluda is a small town, population 713 at last count, that straddles Polk and Henderson counties. M.A. Pace is an old-time grocery that has been offering jars of locally pickled and preserved goodies and much more since 1899. It’s a local gathering place for farmers and ranchers.

According to Truman, Saluda’s only lawyer had been telling about a case he had just lost in front of old Judge Baker at the Hendersonville Courthouse. Truman did not remember the lawyer’s name so for the purpose of retelling the story, I am going to just call him Lawyer Smith. Anyway, Lawyer Smith was defending the company that owned the eighteen wheeler that had crashed into old Farmer Maxwell’s new Mahindra tractor that had been pulling a trailer with his prize horse, a hog and his favorite hunting dog inside.

The eighteen wheeler crushed the trailer, and after the crash, the tractor was not exactly in primo condition either. The farmer was suing for the loss of his horse, hog , dog and the replacement cost of the tractor and the trailer. But he was also asking for a million dollars for physical and emotional injury. It was that personal injury stuff that the trucking company hired the lawyer to defend them from. Truman said the lawyer was sure he had the goods on the farmer. And that he could prove that the farmer was not hurt in the accident, and he was just after the lawyer’s client because some highfalutin-lawyer told the farmer he could get a lot of money from the rich trucking company.

Truman said this is how the questioning and answering went at the trial:

Lawyer Smith wasn’t going to waste any time beating around the bush. So, as soon as the farmer was all sworn in and in the witness box, he walks right up to him and says “Now Mr. Maxwell, at the scene of the accident, didn’t you tell the officers that you had never felt better in your life?”

“Yes Sir, That’s exactly what I said to those officers.”

The lawyer got this big “I got you grin” on his face and said to the judge. “I rest my case, Your Honor! I ask that you render your judgment in favor of my client.”

Well, the farmer twisted around in that witness chair and yelled, “Now just hold on a minute young fellow. You did not ask me about the special circumstances.”

“That is irrelevant,” shouted the lawyer.

Old Judge Baker adjusted his glasses and looked down on the farmer. “The lawyer’s right, Mr. Maxwell. If you claimed you were not injured during the investigation, I’m not going to let you claim otherwise now. I am afraid I am going to have to find for the trucking company.”

By now the farmer was all red-faced, and he pleaded with the judge. “Judge, let me ask you. Wouldn’t you have done the same as me, if you had been in that special circumstance?”

The lawyer objected , but the farmer’s question had made the Judge curious, so he asked the farmer, “Just what was so special about your circumstance?”

“Well Your Honor, it was like this. When them officers arrived, one of them went over to check on my horse. The horse had a broken leg, and that policeman shot him stone dead. Then he checked on the hog that was laying on the ground grunting, and he shot that hog, too. Then the other officer went over to my hunting dog, Lady, who was badly hurt. So, they shot that dog, too–dead as a doornail, Your Honor. Then they both come over to where I was setting on the ground, and one of them says to me, ‘How about you farmer, are you hurting?’ Well, sir, under that special circumstance I said what any intelligent man would have said. No sir,I’ve never felt better in my life!”.

That’s when Judge Baker banged his gavel and said, “Under those circumstances, this court rules in the farmer’s favor.”